He Wins, She Wins: Learning the Art of Marital Negotiation by Willard F. Harley Jr

Author:Willard F. Harley Jr.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FAM030000, FAM029000
ISBN: 9781441244918
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2017-10-03T04:00:00+00:00

It Pays to Be Prepared

Because many of the decisions you make regarding the care of your parents or friends have to be made instantly, you and your spouse should discuss many of these issues before they actually arise. For example, if your parents or your spouse’s parents were to require your care, what kind of care could you provide with an enthusiastic agreement? Neither one of you should feel pressured into making an agreement that is not actually in your own best interest. So now is the time for you to start thinking about what kind of care you can provide and how long that care should continue.

What would you do if a friend needed help moving? Or if a friend invited you both out to dinner? Or if a friend invited one of you out to dinner but didn’t invite the other? Or if the friend had been a former lover?

Trust me. Former lovers should be left completely out of your lives. But what about friends of the opposite sex in general? How friendly do you really want these relationships to be? I have warned couples for years that most affairs begin with opposite-sex friendships that start out innocently. Are you willing to risk an affair by developing a good friendship with someone of the opposite sex? In most cases, your opposite-sex friendships that are the most dangerous will make your spouse uncomfortable. You will not have your spouse’s enthusiastic agreement when you try to get together with those friends, or even have casual communication via social networking sites, email, or texting.

The Policy of Joint Agreement forces you and your spouse to negotiate fairly with each other, and it keeps you focused on each other’s best interests even when you reject each other’s proposed options. It keeps you thoughtful when you’re tempted to be selfish. If you follow the POJA, your family and friends will never come between you.

Get into the habit of discussing all invitations with your spouse before responding. When somebody invites you, say to them, “Let me get back to you after I’ve discussed it with my spouse.” Your family and friends will get used to the idea that you make your decisions together.

Don’t let friends and relatives destroy your love for each other. When conflicts pit the interests of your spouse against those of your friends and relatives, he or she should always be your highest priority. Your spouse is your most important friend and relative. No other should ever be allowed to come between you. Follow the Policy of Joint Agreement and Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation to make sure they don’t.

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